When we think of Valentine’s Day, we typically think about giving to others — cards, flowers, chocolates, stuffed animals, and jewelry. But we may have left someone critical off our give-to list — ourselves! As Fergie would say, “Where is the love?”  

More specifically, where is the self-love? Let me help you count the ways (13 to be exact) you can give yourself some (probably) much-needed self-love.

What is the meaning of self-love?

“Self-love is essential for maintaining good mental and emotional health, and it’s something that we can actively cultivate, says Crystal Jackson, a former therapist and the head writer at The Truly Charming. “Showing self-love to ourselves can take on many forms, and it is important to find the best methods.”

Below, Jackson and Emma Loker, a mental health specialist at Healthy Minded, share easy things you can do to love yourself.

13 ways to show yourself love

 1. Practice self-care

This can include getting enough sleep and exercising regularly. It can also include activities like meditation, yoga, and journaling, which can help you to relax and reflect on your thoughts and feelings.

 2. Set boundaries

One of the most important ways to love yourself is to set boundaries with others. This means learning to say “no” when needed and setting limits on how much time and energy you are willing to give others.

3. Give yourself permission to make mistakes

One of the most common barriers to self-love is a fear of failure or making mistakes. By allowing yourself to make mistakes, you’re allowing yourself to be human and learn and grow from your experiences.

 4. Surround yourself with positive influences

Surrounding yourself with people who support and encourage you can be incredibly empowering. Whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist, having a support system can help you to feel more confident and self-assured.

 5. Practice gratitude

Taking time to focus on what you’re grateful for can help shift your focus away from negative thoughts and feelings and help you to appreciate the things in your life that are going well.

 6. Try positive self-talk

How you talk to yourself can greatly impact how you feel about yourself. Practice talking to yourself in a kind and supportive way rather than being harsh or critical. 

 7. Prioritize your needs and wants

Schedule time for things that are important to you and make sure to stick to it, whether it’s a hobby, a self-care practice, or simply getting enough rest.

8. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion

Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would offer to a friend or loved one.

9. Practice mindfulness

Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations in the present moment without judgment. This can include meditation, yoga, or simply taking a few minutes each day to focus on your breath and be present in the moment.

 10. Take responsibility

Own your actions and work to understand and improve yourself. This can include reflecting on your behavior, taking responsibility for your mistakes, and committing to positive changes.

 11. Celebrate achievements

Recognize and celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may be. This can include keeping a gratitude journal, sharing your accomplishments with others, or treating yourself to something special as a reward.

12. Engage in activities you enjoy

Make time for hobbies, interests, and activities that bring you pleasure and fulfillment. This can include reading a book, playing a musical instrument, or going for a nature hike.

13. Be forgiving

Learn to forgive yourself for past mistakes and let go of guilt and self-doubt. This can include practicing forgiveness techniques, such as writing a letter to yourself and then tearing it up or repeating affirmations and kind thoughts toward yourself.

The bottom line on self-love

“Remember that self-love is not a one-time event or a destination but rather a journey of ongoing self-discovery and self-acceptance,” Jackson says. It’s about learning to be kind and compassionate toward yourself, setting healthy boundaries, and caring for your needs. Self-love isn’t about perfection or being flawless; it’s about accepting yourself for who you are and treating yourself well.

Pat yourself on the back because reading this blog shows you are already interested in self-care. Good job!