I recently started working with a therapist — because hello, mental health — but after 10 sessions, I found myself saying things like, “I want to quit therapy,” and realized I was contemplating leaving my therapist.

After much deliberation, I finally decided it was time to break up with my therapist, take a break, and find a new one. Having similar doubts about whether you’re working with a therapist that’s right for you and your goals? Here are some signs you should leave your therapist.

6 signs it’s time to break up with your therapist

1. They don’t have the relevant skill set or training you’re seeking

Although most therapists can treat mild symptoms of anxiety, depression, or stress, some conditions and symptoms require specialized training. Overlooking that detail, which may seem minuscule, is actually a huge disservice to yourself. If you overlook it, you’re ultimately setting yourself up for future frustration and a longer time in therapy.

Before working with a therapist, make sure they have the proper background, education, and experience you need in order to address what you want to work on in therapy.

2. You dread your sessions

One of the signs you should leave your therapist is when you begin dreading your sessions together. “Therapy is difficult and challenging, but it should not be overwhelmingly dreadful,” shares Jennifer Chain, PhD, a licensed psychologist with a group mental health practice in Seattle, Wash.

There may be a number of reasons why you feel dread before your sessions, says Chain. “It could be that your therapist is helping you confront your shadows and challenging you to grow in ways that are uncomfortable but ultimately beneficial and necessary,” she explains. “Or it could be that you do not feel safe and connected with your therapist.”

Chain adds that studies show the relationship between you and your therapist is the most important and healing aspect of therapy. “If you do not like or trust your therapist or if there are ruptures in the relationship that were never addressed, the feeling of dread may be a sign that it is time to end the relationship,” she says.

3. You don’t feel like you’re making any progress

This was the biggest reason I found myself saying, “I want to quit therapy.” After 10 sessions of working with my first therapist, I didn’t feel like I had made any progress, nor did I feel like I was given any coping mechanisms or tools to help me navigate why I had originally signed up for therapy in the first place.

I get it, change doesn’t happen overnight and things take time — especially when it comes to things like therapy — but even though I was very honest and open with my therapist and explained my expectations and goals to make sure we were in alignment, there still seemed to be a disconnect after multiple conversations with her. Stalled progress could definitely be one of the signs you should leave your therapist.

If you feel like you’re not making any progress, have a conversation and voice your concerns if you feel comfortable doing so. If after that you still don’t feel like anything has changed, leaving your therapist and finding a new one might be the next best step for you and your mental health.

4. You feel like you’re just venting

This was another huge reason I said, “I want to quit therapy.” I felt like my therapy sessions were very expensive vent sessions. “While it can certainly be therapeutic to vent from time to time, you want to make sure not to use your sessions strictly for complaining or rehashing your week,” says Jessica Turner, MD, a Brown University trained board-certified psychiatrist. 

Therapy sessions should ideally help you gain insight into understanding why you are the way you are — and more importantly, what to do about it, adds Turner. If you feel like that’s lacking, discuss it with your current therapist. If nothing changes, this may be one of the signs you should leave your therapist.

5. You feel uncomfortable

One of the signs you should leave your therapist is you feel uncomfortable speaking with them. Therapy is a very intimate experience. No, not in a sexual sense, but in the sense that you’re opening up to a total stranger about feelings and thoughts you may not have shared with anyone else before.

My last therapist made her political position clear in a very casual manner throughout our conversations together — but we very much disagreed in that arena. It’s okay that we disagreed, but it never seemed relevant to our work together and it actually made me feel downright uncomfortable at times. (Insert awkward nervous laugh here.) It also made me feel like I couldn’t open up fully since I felt uncomfortable knowing we came from very different ends of the political spectrum and that I may be judged for my own beliefs.

Again, a difference of opinion is A-OK, but the bottom line is you should feel comfortable talking with your therapist — and if you don’t, well, then consider that one of the signs you should leave your therapist.

PSA: If you feel your therapist has made any sexual advances on you in any form, shape, or way, don’t hesitate to report it. Please, please do.

6. You have no idea what the game plan is

One of the biggest signs you should leave your therapist is you have no idea what you’re working on together. “A skilled therapist should work with you to develop a clear treatment plan and both of you should know what your goals are for therapy,” shares Margaret Moravec, PhD, a private practice psychologist working with high-performing clients who are feeling anxious and overwhelmed. “This helps you both to keep a focus on where you are headed and whether [or not] it is working.”

You should also feel comfortable with the treatment plan — so ask questions and discuss as much as needed before you begin your work together and throughout your sessions.

I want to quit therapy: Should you do it?

If you’re looking for signs you should leave your therapist, Terri Bly, PsyD, clinical psychologist and host of the podcast When Therapists Watch TV, says ultimately you don’t need a reason. “It is important to remember that you can fire your therapist if you just are not feeling it,” she says. “If your gut says this is not the therapist for you, go with that.”

Bly adds that for the most part, finding a good fit has to do with intuition. “If they feel like a good fit, they probably are,” she says. “If they do not feel like a good fit, they probably will not be — no matter how many times you go back. That is not the case 100% of the time, but it is a pretty reliable rule of thumb.”

The bottom line: If you’re having trouble figuring out if your therapist is right for you, consider these signs you should leave your therapist. Leaving your therapist may be tough, but what’s tougher is working with a professional that’s not a good fit for you or your mental health goals.