Content warning: This article mentions diets and weight loss.

As a child, my dream job was to be just like Optimus Prime, the leader of the Transformers. As any kid would do, I crafted an orange paper mache costume, made a pillow fort battle station, and screamed out to my family members, “It’s you and me, Megatron.” 

Looking back, it was less of my dream to be an autonomous robot saving the planet (although that’s not a bad career path!) — instead, I was drawn to their ability to transform into various vehicles and have a new set of skills and experiences based on what they transformed into. 

One day, they were speed racing in the streets and the next day they were flying high and fighting crime in the sky. While I can’t physically do what the Transformers did, I’ve begun to learn what it means to live many lives in my one human body. 

Conversations about my body

At my core, I’ve always been a writer. I started writing when I traded my love for Optimus Prime for the literary works of Edgar Allen Poe. As a chubby Black girl growing up in a low-income neighborhood on the Southside of Chicago, I had all of the feelings — and for some reason, Poe’s angst resonated with me. 

To describe my upbringing, the saying “survival of the fittest” comes to mind. In fact, I always had to be strong mentally and emotionally since I was consistently reminded that I wasn’t physically fit. 

I heard a lot of negative comments about my weight from just about everyone: From family members being concerned when my “baby fat” wasn’t dropping off as expected, to being bullied throughout elementary school, to traveling abroad and being reminded of my weight in countries where weight isn’t deemed as culturally insensitive, and then to finally settling back into the U.S., entering the dating scene for the first time and hearing snarky remarks about “looking bigger than my photos.”

All of this didn’t phase me since I truly love food — especially more than I love anyone who would intentionally demean me. 

Spiraling into a fitness frenzy

However, following the cliche, I didn’t decide to start working out until I experienced my first breakup at 26, which left me internally lost and confused. I felt many negative emotions — but the one that called out to me was deep loneliness, which I knew I had to fix.

While scrolling through Instagram, I came across an ad for a Six Week Weight Loss Challenge at a local kickboxing studio. It seemed like a great deal since I would learn kickboxing and make new friends. Additionally, like most people, I had made the mistake of equating weight loss with increased happiness.

After the challenge was completed, I had lost 25 pounds in six weeks. I tracked the macros of everything I ate, forced my body to adapt to two-a-day workouts, learned kickboxing, and never felt more strained. I fell in love with boxing and made friends, but I still didn’t fill the internal void and wasn’t sure how to.

I kept this going for some time and spiraled into a fitness frenzy where I went from losing 25 pounds to losing 50 pounds in five months. I surpassed my goal weight, people around me said I look great, but I still didn’t feel satisfied. My goal was never really to lose weight. It was to get good at a sport and that sport somehow became boxing. 

Lessons learned from boxing

At my core, I’m still a nerdy introvert who watches too much anime and gets angsty around in large group settings. I’ve tried to make adjustments, but at my core is where I thrive and where I’m most comfortable.

After trying a couple of boxing gyms, I found one that not only provided me conditioning through a boxing HIIT class but also provided a smaller class setting that allowed me to still meet people without triggering the social anxiety that I typically have in a larger group class setting. 

Throughout my journey in different boxing gyms and learning from fighters across the martial arts, I’ve learned a few lessons that I wanted to share:

1. Fight at your weight: A lot of fighters in martial arts do have to cut weight to fight in a certain weight category — however, to be effective, it’s also important to do your very best at the weight you’re at. Scales often don’t account for added muscle mass, muscle loss, water retention, and so many other variables that go into the number that impact many people’s self-esteem and thoughts of their capabilities. I’ve seen fast heavy weights and strong light weights, demonstrating the scale doesn’t matter as long as you’re doing your best with where you’re at. 
2. Be your best coach: We’re all born coaches — and every life experience we have only makes us more knowledgeable in guiding someone else in their journey. It’s important to know when to apply and ignore your ego, especially in sports since there will be times to say “I’m a badass” and pep yourself as well as others up and there will be other times when you’ll need to sit back and accept that you don’t know it all. The coach in you will be able to determine those times. 
3. It’s a lonely sport: It’s all fun being in the ring, hitting the bags, and laughing with your sparring partner, but your most excellent match will be you vs. you. This is where your gym community, trainers, coaches, and groups like aSweatLife come into play to cheer you and keep you on track in your journey toward accomplishing your goals. No matter the thoughts, self-doubts, and obstacles that may arise, you always have the tools and the community support needed to win against the darker parts of yourself. 
4. Embrace the baby steps: Across all sports — whether you’re training for a boxing match, running a marathon, competing in the Crossfit or Hyrox games, or playing in a basketball game — endurance and practicing new techniques with your body can’t happen overnight. It’s important to be patient with yourself, especially in those moments when you’re out of breath, irritable, got off track for some time, and are now staring out the window sulking in existential dread. Embrace the baby steps and remember you’re winning every step of the way. 

Image courtesy of Noma Shields