Anything you do repeatedly risks getting you into a rut. It’s natural, and sex is no exception. If you’re craving mixing up your sex life or looking for a way to make a good sex even better — trust your intuition that it’s worth it. It’ll take some thought and intention, but we’ve got you covered!
Here’s how to get started.
How to try new things in bed
First, a little self reflection
Think about where you are now. Why do you want to try something new? Is there a part of your sex life that’s leaving you wanting more? If the sex is satisfying, is there room for you to be more enthusiastic about it? Are you looking for increased connection with your partner?
General brainstorming can open the door to your imagination. What do you want more of, and what do you want less of? More foreplay? Less missionary? Then get specific.
Think about sexual experiences that have been particularly memorable and reflect on what made them great. What was the touch like? What part of your body was given attention? What part of the experience is burned into your brain?
You might find some commonalities across particularly titillating experiences, and that’s worth noting.
Find some inspiration
Homework time! Seek out equitable and knowledgeable sexual experts that can empower you to understand your own body and preferences. This is key.
There are many ways to mix it up your sex life, but it’s not as simple as just picking a new position to try. Every body is different, and when we boil sexual potential down to a new position or a new toy, we miss out. If you’re looking for more pleasure or richer pleasure, you have to know what pleasure means in *your* body.
Sex, Love, and Goop on Netflix and the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagowski are two great places to start exploring and understanding your body and many routes to pleasure. You’ll never look at sex the same way!
You knew this step was coming. Much to everyone’s chagrin, our partners can’t read our minds — in or out of bed. Once you’ve reflected and know what you’re looking for, you have to share it. No, not via subliminal hints or encouraging noises or anything else. You have to use your words.
It’s normal to be nervous for such a vulnerable conversation. Remember that wanting to try something new isn’t a criticism of the past but a desire to expand your sexual world with your partner.
The conversation should be ongoing. Treat the new additions in your sex life like a fun experiment and get curious about them. Ask each other questions to guide your exploration.
Does this feel good? Should I be softer or firmer with my touch? Getting comfortable asking questions will also make you more at ease with giving feedback — a huge win-win.
Play and practice
If you were learning a new language or athletic skill, would you judge its worthiness or your potential enjoyment of it based on your first and only experience? Of course not. Learning something new takes time and intention.
Laugh through the awkward moments and try again. Stick with it when you might feel tempted to go back to habit. Be intentional and communicative but have fun with it.
Every bit of intention pays back tenfold in your enjoyment of sex, your connection with your partner, and in feeling more alive and healthy overall. Your pleasure and satisfaction is worth it.