A Detailed Account of the Time I Stuck to a Juice Cleanse
  • July 30, 2017
  • [Disclaimer: Hi-Vibe provided a complimentary juice cleanse for me to try. As always, we only write about the products, places and people we truly try and enjoy].

    Cliches always have a little truth to them. Have you heard the one about the shoemaker who has no shoes? I identify with this storied shoemaker, making shoes all day, never stopping to make a pair for herself (#feminism).

    Hi, I’m Jeana and I am started a health and wellness company. Once a quarter, like clockwork, I break my body. I push it too hard, ask too much of it, ignore the signs of stress, sleep too little, drink too much coffee, dole out advice that I never take and find the wall on which I will smash my head (sometimes literally and sometimes figuratively).

    After a few more you-should-really-meditate talks, I realized that I was about the hit the wall again. I decided to do something this time about the adrenal fatigue and other fun you-can’t-ignore-this-anymore symptoms that I was experiencing. And alongside all of that, I also had a well-timed conversation with Hi-Vibe.

    Our friends at Hi-Vibe talked about using food to heal and using custom cleanses to push reset on the body, to which I asked, “Wait, can you help me?”

    After a few questions about what I’m looking to gain from a cleanse – stopping this adrenal fatigue in its tracks – and I was suddenly scheduled for a Hi-Vibe cleanse, running from Monday through Wednesday, but this was way more than just juice.

    Here’s why I stuck to a juice cleanse for the first time ever. 

    1. I got to keep coffee.

    Each day started with a version of Bulletproof Coffee and if you’ve ever done a juice cleanse before, this is unique – and probably why I usually quit. Every. Single. Time. Although I’ve been cutting back on coffee for two weeks (one cup a day is worthy of some sort of trophy for me, guys) removing coffee from my life entirely is a non-starter. I like the experience of coffee. I want it in the morning. Not feeling like I was “cheating” when I drink my morning Joe gives this cleanse a gold star.

    2. Speaking of cheating, I was given enough leeway to feel like I wasn’t.

    With the explicit direction to eat some solid fruits or veggies if I started to become the hangry-eyed-monster, I suddenly felt like I could do it. I wasn’t doing a cleanse to calorie restrict, I was doing it to feel like my best self, so I needed to be able to listen to my body.

    Lay off me, I’m starving.

    3. My prescribed juices were a little different each day.

    Hi-Vibe offers cleanses that are standard and cleanses that are custom for three or five days. Every option comes with a different price-point. Mine was tailored to kick my adrenal glands in the butt and each day had a different combo of juices. I get bored very easily with same-ness, so this kept me excited to make my morning trek to gather the day’s juice.

    I even started to sing a little song about picking up the juice by day two. I’ll leave that song to your imagination.

    Here’s how it went.

    Sunday: The day before the cleanse.

    You’re supposed to prep your body to cleanse with a lot of fiber and real foods. We had a big event Sunday (#ReebokSweatCrawl) and I did not fuel my body properly for most of the day. I also had to take a long run because I’m doing my best to Marathon train. Eight miles, a long day and not enough calories later. I was throwing food in my face before bed, like my life depended on it.

    Little did I know, I was about to eat drink ALL THE SUPER FOODS.

    Monday: Cleanse Day one

    I don’t remember how I got to Hi-Vibe in the Merchandise Mart. I woke up tired, sore and in a brain-fog, but I must have gotten out of bed and walked there, somehow. When I arrived, I could feel myself squinting, thinking, “concentrate on the words she’s saying,” as Melissa from Hi-Vibe explained what to drink and when.

    Thank goodness she sent an email with directions. I spent the day drinking liquids that consisted of a bulletproof coffee, a shot and five juices – did I get hungry? Yes. But I just ate some real food when that happened.

    7:25 am: I take the Clay Shooter a “powerful detox” shot. It’s a couple of ounces packed with Shilajit and Bentonite Clay, which is thought to be a powerful detoxifier, and it is meant to be taken the same way you would shoot cold medicine or anything else that’s good for you.

    7:30 am: I drank my “Bulletproof Soldier” this was an Original Bulletproof Coffee with ceremonial grade matcha. This was meant to give my body and brain sustained energy it needed to carry me into me first juice.

    9:30 am: I drank the G-8, a green juice made of all veggies and no fruit. The eight green vegetables are meant to re-alkalize and hydrate without spiking my blood sugar.

    10:00 am: I didn’t want to go back to sleep forever and I hadn’t threatened anyone. So far, so good.

    12 pm: I drank the Dandy Detox, which was meant to detox my liver and “prime my system” for the rest of the day. I had this during a lunch meeting at a non-juice restaurant and I didn’t feel like I needed to explain myself. Is boldness a result of cleansing?

    3 pm: I downed the Matchaga a combo of Matcha, a green tea powder, and Chaga, a medicinal mushroom I had each day of the cleanse, known to boost the immune system. This gave me a non-coffee, afternoon kick. This combo is meant to help build resiliency to stress and help heal adrenal fatigue and my thyroid. Not that I’m stressed, or anything.

    4 pm: I ate an entire avocado. Not cheating.

    5 pm: I ate baby carrots. Still not cheating.

    5:38 pm: I get the first feeling that cannot physically go on. I have one more handful of baby carrots. I go on.

    6 pm: I drink the Kinetic Lemonade, something I fondly called the blue drank, but its blue color come from the phycocyanin, which is an anti-inflammatory algae powerhouse. Delicious and colorful? Yes, please.

    7:15 pm: I worked out. I spent the first 15 minutes repeating, “this is a mistake,” in my head. I found myself in the zone for the final 30 minutes.

    8:30 pm: I drank the Shaman Shake, a coconut-y delicious dream.

    Tuesday: Cleanse Day two

    This day started with energy. I was much more alert, which was a far cry from the bleary-eyed morning I swam through the day before. I wasn’t overly hungry or drained.

    I skipped my workout – I was due for a recovery day – but I had the energy to sweat.

    This is usually the day when I quit a cleanse, when the sensation of chewing is most missed, but the combo of juices, fats and super foods kept me going.

    7:45 am: Photobomb,  this incredibly delicious shot was an amazing surprise. It contained 65 different vitamins from E3live, but the coconut water and meat meant to replenish electrolytes and curb my appetite (along with a little extra MCT) were the highlight of this day.

    8 am: I drink the Bulletproof Sludge, which is similar to the coffee I had Monday, but with a turmeric and collagen kicker. I casually sipped this until 9 am. Because #leisure.

    10 am: I chugged the G-8, one of two juices that was the same from the first day.

    12:30 am: I drank the dandy greens, the second of two juices that were the same. Again in a lunch meeting. again with zero shame.

    1:00 pm: I ate an entire avocado, tossing some olive oil and sea salt on it this time. Because, I was living.

    3 pm: Chaga Tea, I had this medicinal mushroom each day of the cleanse, known to boost the immune system,  with Schizandra berry, a powerful adaptogen.

    5:30 pm: Golden Mylk, I looked forward to this all day. I saw that goldenrod color and wanted it immediately. It’s chock-full of anti-inflammatory benefits also with raw honey for immune boosting and good for sleep inducing serotonin in evening

    7:30 pm: Chagachino, This was more chaga with a satisfying, nut milk base, putting my brain and body to sleep. The mucuna in this is meant to calm the nervous system by activating the dopamine receptors in your brain.

    Wednesday: Cleanse Day three

    For the first time ever, I wanted a cleanse to last forever. I was in the zone. My brain was working overtime. I described my thought process as “lightening,” because I felt like things were happening and connecting quickly.

    7:45 am: Kill Shot, this Immune booster isn’t new to me. When I get my winter cold, I reach for bone broth and a handful of these and I’m generally feeling better in no time. It’s made with oil of oregano, which is a natural antibiotic. Camu camu berry, another key ingredient and a superfood that is funny to say, but also has the highest vitamin C content in a fruit known to man. This shot also includes medicinal grade turmeric curcumin to bring down inflammation and raw local honey to fight seasonal allergies.

    8 am: Bullet Proof with Collagen, Maca and Mucuna. This was meant to support the adrenals and prime the nervous system. It was still delicious and I wasn’t ready for it to be over.

    10 am: G8, more fruit-free green juice. By the third day, I was craving sugar less, so this was growing on me.

    12:30 am: I drank the dandy greens, sip-by-sip, dandy greens became my favorite green juice in all of the green juices.

    1:00 pm: I ate an entire avocado and some baby carrots. My hunger-staver-offer for the duration of the cleanse. I never really confirmed with Melissa if “eat an entire avocado” is what she meant when she said, “if you’re hungry, eat some fruit or veggies!” I maintain that this was still in-bounds.

    3 pm: Kinetic Lemonade, which is packed with collagen, MCT and electrolytes to detox and to stave off hunger.

    5:30 pm: Shizzy Chaga, this satisfying drink was packed with extra healthy chaga tea, schizandra berry, cacao butter, mucuna, vanilla bean, and raw local honey

    7:30 pm: Mood Mylk. To send my off to bed on the final night, I downed 15g of vegan protein from hemp and chia – both high in anti-inflammatory omega 3s as well as chlorella and spirulina green superfoods for detoxification. There was also ashwaganda for further adrenal and thyroid support.

    What did I learn?

    I knew that I could make it through a juice cleanse before, but I didn’t have the “why” to keep me going. I truly felt better with each passing day. I knew that I taxed my body and stressed my adrenal glands and this opportunity to reset was exactly what I needed.

    I felt well rested, satisfied and all-around better by the end.

    About Jeana Anderson Cohen

    Jeana Anderson Cohen is the founder and CEO of aSweatLife.com a destination for living your best life, with fitness as the catalyst. She's also the co-founder and head of strategy of the SweatWorking App. But before starting health-focused companies Jeana earned a degree in Journalism from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. For the first decade of her career, she created and executed social media strategies for brands. aSweatLife fuses her experience and her passion for wellness and SweatWorking was the natural evolution of that experience. You can find Jeana leading the team at aSweatLife, hosting aSweatLife’s monthly #Sweatworking events, and - on the rare evening off - you may find her using her Personal Training certification to coach group fitness classes across Chicago.

    4 thoughts on “A Detailed Account of the Time I Stuck to a Juice Cleanse

    1. Maggie Wolff

      Thanks for sharing your experience. I’ve always been hesitant to try a juice cleanse. ALthough I feel a lot of brain fog. Did you workout on Day 3?

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