On the surface, we all know they do. But over time, we forget just how harrowing the experience can be until we are living it. In the thick of a breakup, it’s hard to think about anything else – let alone move on.
But the hard truth is, most of us go through it (and we’ll be okay), but it helps to have a little confidence on your side. So when you’re done being a cool girl, you’ll need to learn how to be a Superfox.
Your next question might (rightfully) be, “… what’s a Superfox?”
Superfox (n.): a strong, independent woman who is able to love and accept herself for who she is.
Used in a sentence: Everyone knows that Beyoncé is the quintessential Superfox, and her most recent video album proves it.
Okay, it’s a little cheesy, but let me explain. When I was going through my last breakup, I may or may not have impulse-ordered a book to get over it (hey, we all deal with things in our own weird little ways). In the first few sentences of the book, it started to refer to the reader as a Superfox, and I immediately took to the word. I loved it. It was fierce and strong – everything I felt I was lacking and wanted to be. And, since a breakup is one of the very few times people don’t judge you (it’s against the friend code), I was able to get away with giving myself the nickname for a while.
Nowadays, I share the nickname with anyone who needs it. But a nickname alone is not enough, my friends. In order to be a Superfox, one most act accordingly. So, without further adieu…
Here’s how to be a Superfox in 5 simple steps:
1. Get to know yourself.
At some point in every relationship (even healthy ones!), we all tend to lose ourselves a little bit. We start dropping some of our hobbies in order to hang out with our significant other or we stop doing certain things we used to love altogether. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, it’s important to take a step back and evaluate once in a while. What do you love to do? What hobbies are you doing for other people? What would you do if you had more time in the day? What do you want to work on? People often think of hobbies as a means to connect with other people, but they are also important to work on if you want to develop a good relationship with yourself.
2. Invest in yourself.
And I’m not just talking about buying those Tory Burch shoes you’ve been eyeing. Once you re-evaluate the things you care about, set aside the time to invest and engage deeply in them. Write your grandma a letter. Go buy some new fiction books if you miss reading. Pick up that new instrument you’ve always wanted to try. The key is this: you need to remember that you are in charge of how you spend your time (and no one else is).
3. Turn unhealthy habits into healthy ones.
Feel like sulking? That’s okay… for a while. But eventually, you’re going to need to put down the potato chips and ice cream. Watching The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (again) instead of going outside today isn’t going to help you move on. Superfoxes aren’t meant to sit on the couch – they are meant to be seen! Eventually, you can start replacing lazy habits (like staring at the ceiling for way too long) into positive ones (like lacing up your shoes and going for that run you said you were going to do).
4. Face the day, every day.
Sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed. I know. Change is hard! But eventually, you have to stop calling in sick and start facing the day with a can-do attitude (even if you have to fake it for a while). The first step is showing up.
5. Know that you are worth more.
A lot of times, we end up playing the “cool girl” or hanging onto a relationship for too long because (whether we realize it or not) we don’t think we deserve better. But eventually, we need to tell ourselves we are worth more – and going through a breakup is worth it. I know that sounds funny, but it’s true! Give yourself the power to move on and spend time on someone else who is more worthy of your attention (like yourself).
Now go get ‘em, you Superfox.